In this episode I share what you should expect while on your emotional healing journey. I dig into my years of healing emotional wounds and share what I wish I had known! Being prepared to manage your emotional healing journey makes all the difference in the world!
Emotional healing preparation:
- Emotional healing work takes time. It is not instant!
- Emotional healing takes work. You have to dig in and not just wait for answers to come to you.
- Many issues are interwoven.
- Issues will keep coming back (hint: it is because they are interwoven).
- You will doubt your journey.
- Small progress matters. Don't make time a crutch.
- Emotional healing involves a physical component.
How to get through the emotional healing process?
- Commit to yourself and believe in you.
- Take time off.
- Have a support system in place.
Welcome to the discover heal thrive podcast. I'm your host Andrea Travillian.
In this episode, we are going to talk about what you need to know and prepare for as you are beginning your emotional healing journey. Really, this is the stuff I had wished somebody had told me and I experienced during my entire journey of really rediscovering myself and healing a lot of old emotional wounds. So I'm just going to get straight into this cause I've got a few of them and I want to make sure we get through them all in a reasonable amount of time.
So the very first one, it takes time. Yup. That's right. It's not a quick and easy process. It is not. I'm going to journal meditate and go to a counseling session and I'm going to be all better. Most of the things that we need to heal, most of the things that we experience in life require in-depth healing because they're intertwined.
So just because you're dealing with a breakup or a divorce doesn't mean that it is just tied to that. Most of the time, there's these limiting beliefs it's tied to childhood. We, it's not just a one and done. It's kind of like an onion or the thing I actually prefer to use versus like an onion where you're peeling it back is those mazes where you go in and you have to find your way out. Emotional healing is like that. You go in, you're trying to find the solution to get to the other side. You keep getting lost. You keep circling back around to the same place that you've been there before, but slowly over time, you're like, okay, I know I've been there, not going down that way. And you go down the other path and eventually you get out to the other side, but you do keep going back in circles occasionally to add who that it's like, there's a chain of these mazes and you finish one and you go into the next one.
And as you're trying to get through it, you realize it's actually connected to the first one. And you might go back to do even topics you thought you had already taken care of, but each maze gets easier and easier because you start to understand the process. You start to understand the pattern, but that all takes time. So when you begin your journey, you're going to be super excited and you will make headway, but then you're going to take some steps back and you're going to get frustrated, but just remember it takes time. I really truly started digging into healing, old, emotional wounds in 2015. And I can honest to God say I didn't hit a point where I felt like I could see the end of the tunnel until, uh, probably beginning of 2019. And honestly it wasn't until the end of 2019 that I was like, okay, I am out the tunnel, but there's still things to work on.
I'm not completely, you know, in the clear, but it took that good four years of dedicated healing. I made it my downtime activity. I really focused hours and hours on it. So give yourself time. The second thing is it takes work. It's not an easy process. Just kind of like it takes time. It isn't the quick meditation journal counseling session, and everything's better. You actually need to dig in, spend hours journaling, hours meditating, and really figuring out what's going on. It's not wave a magic wand and you're all better. You have to put energy into discovering what is at the source of everything. So, um, the third one we, I kind of touched on in the last one is that many issues are interwoven. So I want to go a little bit further in depth on that to give you, um, an insight into why these issues are interwoven.
When we are kids, we make agreements with ourselves and our family and society as to how we behave and how we are as a person. If you want to learn more about that, you can read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. He really that's really what that book is about, but we make these agreements and then those end up dictating our life. The problem is, is most of those are false, but they are how we operate. And because we create these when we are so young, they are very simplistic and often apply to many areas. So if you, as a child, determine are not worthy for some reason. And let's say, it's because you, um, got a bad grade in art, but you then apply that you're not worthy because you're not smart in that subject. And it ends up taking over everything. And so that issue not only manifests in schoolwork, but as you grow and develop, it manifests in romantic relationships and your career.
And it all ties back to this one specific issue. So you might be looking at a relationship going, why can't I get this to work? Why do I keep attracting the same type of person? And you're looking only at the relationship, you're not actually looking at that, you know, the C in art that you got. And the thing is, is once you've realized that they're all interconnected, it becomes a lot easier to narrow in on what triggered it was, what agreement it was. And then you can work on rewriting that when you rewrite one of those agreements, it will impact every area of the life. So as you're doing your emotional healing work, remember many issues are interwoven and your answer to one problem might lie in a completely different area. So keep that an open mind. Now, the fourth one I've also talked about again, and that issues come back.
So there is this cycle where, because everything is so interwoven, you think you've handled an issue and then it circles back around. There might be a different trigger. And where that is coming from is we can have multiple agreements impacting one particular area. I personally found this very true for money. I had so many different layered agreements around money that it took me a really long time to figure that one out, because I had agreements that were pro money. I had agreements that were negative money, and then you tie in some self worth and all these other issues. And the issue kept coming back because it was multi-layered. So when you have a big breakthrough and you're super excited about it, and then six months later, or a year later, or three years later, it pops back up. Don't panic. Don't freak out. Just begin to look for the next thing that's impacting it.
And the nice part about this is this eventually does subside. Eventually it, you do work through every single one of those agreements and get to the point where it is completely healed, but this takes time. Okay? So number five is there will be times you wonder why you even started down this journey. You are going to have a bad day. This is just a fact. You are going to have a day where you sit down and you say to yourself, why did I even start? I was better off being ignorant about my feelings, my beliefs, why am I doing this? And that's natural because this is a hard process. It takes time, it takes work. And because of that cycle, it will make you question why you're doing it. And the only thing I can say to you for that is remember, you're going to have those days, but then more importantly, I can tell you, if you keep at it, there will be better days ahead.
There will be those times where you're like, oh, this is what inner peace is. This is what happiness is. This is what joy is. And it is worth getting through those days that you're wondering why the heck you're doing it to get through to the other side. So number six, small progress matters. So I talked earlier about how I kind of did a deep, deep dive, but I will tell you small progress is equally as important and powerful as big progress. I have had major insights and downloads and solved problems with 15 minutes of journaling. So if you don't have time, seem to sit and journal for three hours, um, which I've done and you can really get through a whole lot. But if you don't have that time, 15 minutes a day consistently will get you where you need to go. The lessons build you don't lose them.
So it's better to do 10 minutes, 15 minutes a day than nothing at all. And then do a day once a quarter. So small progress really, truly does help you. And then the final thing that I want to touch on is there is going to be a physical component. So without getting into the super science-y details, which I will, um, in the show notes, put a link to some books. If you actually want the super science-y details, but we process our emotions at a physical level in our bodies. So when we do that healing work, our cells actually start to release all of those emotions that we are keeping stuck inside. As you do this as released that toxic energy, it will impact you on a cellular level that can make you sick, make you tired. Sometimes it gives you extra energy, but be prepared for random sicknesses that you're like, what the heck is going on.
I remember the first time that it really occurred to me, my mentor started celebrating. I'm like, wait, you're celebrating because I'm sick. She was like, yup, we've made a breakthrough. And so you need to be prepared for that. Um, there's a bunch of terms for what it is, but really truly what it is is you are detoxing. All those emotions. You are detoxing that energy and your body and your aura and your chakra system is taking a hit with that. So be prepared for that. It's usually, if you actually give yourself time to just sit and process and let your body do what it needs to do, you know, it never lasts more than 24, 72 -ish hours kind of given in that range, depending on how much you actually let yourself relax. So before I finish off, I want to give you three tips to help you get through this because it is a big process.
So the first thing is you really need to commit to you believe in yourself, believe that it's worth this. If you need to write that down in one of your journals or on your bedroom wall, if you make a commitment to you to finding unconditional love for yourself, to really developing that, self-love, it is easier to get through. So you have that bad day and you remind yourself that you're a committed to you. You're committed to the process and that will help. The second thing is take time off. Um, this helps on multiple levels. One, we really truly only can handle so much healing at one time. And that deals with not only that physical component that I talked about, but additionally, our brain can only process so much at a time. And in fact, that's one of the reasons why a lot of insights and ahas come when you're not doing anything at all, when you're showering or walking or whatever it is is because our brains are processing, um, things as we're not working.
So we're set, let's say you study and you read something your brain takes in that information. Well, when you're asleep or when you're jogging or whatever it is you're doing that you're not using your brain. Your brain is actually processing all that information. So by taking time off, you give your mind, your body and your soul, a chance to really pull it all in and process it and figure it out. And I will tell you, I have taken time off before and halfway through a vacation. like the answer just hits me. It's like, it just flies in. And I'm like, well, duh, why didn't I think about that? But I couldn't think about that because I was always in it. So if you're feeling really overwhelmed, if you're having one of those bad days, take a week off don't journal for a week, don't work on an issue for a week, do what you need to do to give your mind and your body that break.
And the third tip that I have for you is a support system. You need to have people around you who are helping you and supporting you. Now, this can be in many forms. It can be a counselor, which I highly recommend. Um, it can be a friend. It can be a coach. It can be a support group. If money is an issue, there's many support groups out there that will help you. What you need to make sure of when you are looking for a support system is that you really do want them to be an unbiased as possible, which friends are great, but sometimes you need to make sure at least one or two of your friends are those types that are truly open and honest with you. So I had two friends who are a support system. And one, I knew I could always call when I just needed to pick me up.
And then one, I knew I could call if I needed the blatant outright truth. So make sure that they're being unbiased. The other thing is making sure they're actually being authentically supportive. You don't want somebody who is toxically positive. Who's not listening to your feelings. Your feelings are valid, no matter what they are, they are valid. They are yours and they deserve to be honored as real. So if you have a friend, that's kind of always saying things like, yeah, but it's for the better, they're probably not the person you want to be your support system on this journey. Um, likewise counselors are the same. I have had amazing counselors. I've had really bad counselors. And then the other thing with counselors is sometimes you find the right one for the right issue. And then as you kind of move into other issues, you either need to supplement with a different counselor or change completely because just like friends, counselors are all completely different.
So I hope that helps you kind of have an understanding of what is coming up on your emotional healing journey. Um, like I said, I will put links to the books that, um, might be helpful for you in the show notes. If you would like any more information on me, my services or anything that we may have talked about, you can find andreatravillian.com or if you want to hang out with me on social until the next time we meet here, I'm over on Instagram @atravillian and over on Twitter @travilianand Till next time have a fantastic week.