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life after divorce

Episode Transcript

Welcome to the discover heal, thrive podcast. I'm your host, Andrea.

And in this episode, we are going to look at life after divorce, very specifically, what you need to do in order to begin the emotional healing that will help you move on to better relationships.

So as it stands today, I've been divorced approximately four and a half years. 2016 is when we separated, finalized at the beginning of January of 2017. And I can say that I have done a giant deep dive into emotional healing.

 I never wanted to get divorced in the first place. Even though I did the leaving, my goal was to always stay married for the life that didn't work, but I wanted to ensure after my divorce that I didn't make the same relationship mistakes. And so I committed to doing the emotional healing work that I needed to not only be successful in a relationship, but to re-gain my happiness, because I was at a very low point.

And what I have found through this healing journey is not only do I feel very different about every relationship I approach now, but I am happier and more filled with joy, more sure of myself. I feel like I'm more on the right track than I've ever been. And that was all because of this emotional healing work that I did after my divorce.

So let's get into my first piece of advice for you is to take time off from relationships. I know a lot of people who jump right into the next relationship with really not even doing a quick dissection of the old one and what had happened. And we're really doing ourselves a disservice by not taking a break and, and giving yourself a chance to breathe. That is when we fall into these repetitive cycles of relationships that don't work out. So I say, even if you think that your great and you might be, it might've been, you know, just time to move on, you both agreed on everything.

That's fantastic, but I still encourage you to just take some time to be yourself and to really integrate back into who you are, what you want, what you might need to heal.

So as you're taking that time, this is when you want to really kind of get in there and do this emotional healing. So the next few tips that I'm going to give you are really the highlights of what helped me the most.

And the first one is counseling. I really think everybody should go to counseling. Even those who think who they're well adjusted could use some counseling now and then. And so, especially after a divorce, when you may be hurting, you're transitioning you're in new territory, having a counselor to kind of just do some check-ins and make sure you're doing okay, will be really beneficial for you. So I recommend you go get a counselor and move forward.

If counseling isn't an option due to budget constraints, then find some sort of support group that isn't focused on, like singles dating, getting back out there, but really divorce recovery support group. If you can't do the counseling.

Now, the next thing that I encourage you to do is journaling. Journaling is my go-to. It will probably be on every single podcast you've ever listened to of mine. I'm going to touch on journaling and here is why. Journaling when done the right way, when it's done for emotional healing and mental health can really help you dig in to the core of why and get to those triggers, get to those limiting beliefs. If you do it on a regular basis, and it is part of your routine, it can help you uncover a lot. And it's a form of meditation. I believe, I know your traditional meditation teachers won't look at it that way, but it really is kind of that same clearing the mind, quieting the mind.

And I often combine the two in meditative journaling where I will go back and forth between journaling and meditating and zoning out and putting nice music on.

Which leads me to my other thing that I was going to share with you, which is meditation. I really encourage everybody to start a meditation practice, even if it is simply 10 minutes a day, that moment where you can just sit and quiet your mind, you don't need to silence your mind. It's quieting your mind. As a type A go, go, go. Now, single mom, trying to run a business and live through all this pandemic. I can tell you, my mind is not getting quiet anytime soon. I would probably have to sit in meditation for quite a few days for it to actually just calm down. But what happens in meditation when you allow your mind to just be is it gives your subconscious a chance to process everything.

It allows your mind, the moment to catch up. So this is especially important. If you find yourself struggling to sleep at night, if you lay down into bed exhausted, and then your mind won't shut off, that's actually part of its natural needing to process stage.

So adding meditation, even if it's just 10 minutes at some point during the day helps that process. So what I usually do is I wake up in the morning, I do a 10 minute meditation, and then I move into a meditative journaling practice. Then if it is a super busy, stressful day, I will try to get a meditation in kind of at that transition period in a day, going into evening. Even if it is just a five, six minutes, allow my brain to calm. Why this is also really important in the emotional healing for after divorce is when you allow your mind, the chance to quiet.

You don't have a phone going off. There's no TV, you're not, you know, trying to do 20 million things. A lot of stuff will come up. You might get that insight into why you couldn't fix whatever you needed to fix. It allows your mind to go, Oh, Hey, by the way, you might want to explore this. And that's really beneficial during this emotional healing phase for you to be presented with what needs to heal instead of constantly trying to figure out what you need to heal.

Now, the other thing I think I'm on number three or four, I've quit counting that is really beneficial, is tapping also known as the emotional freedom technique, EFT. What this is is you are literally going to tap on different Meridian points through your body, as you are speaking out loud or in your head, but it's better to do it out loud, a series of emotions and feelings.

So basically what you do is you take a problem and you begin the tapping process with kind of explaining the problem and how it makes you feel. And then you progress into changing that with a particular script. I know that was a very vague, random description of it, but I don't really want to get too deep into how to actually do tapping. I will on the show notes page, put the resources that I like to use for tapping. So if you want to explore it more, you can go check those out.

But tapping calms the amygdala down. Now that is where our emotions are held. And so when we're in this high emotion state, we need to move ourselves out of that state to get into our logical brain. And so what you can do is take your journaling and turn that into tapping and allow that to begin to heal and rewire everything that needs taken care of.

And the final thing that I want to share with you is probably a little bit out there for some people. And I know some people don't believe in this concept that I'm going to talk about, but I will say it is one of the most transformational things that I have experienced in my healing journey. And that is past life regression.

So after years of really deep working on this emotional healing stuff. And when I say deep there's weekends, when I didn't have my son where I would journal three hours and, you know, hired coaches and went to counselors and really dug in. And I got to this point where there was this subset of information, this subset of issues that no matter what I did, I just couldn't figure it out. I couldn't rewire the belief. I couldn't get over the fear. I was just stuck and I've tried a lot.

I'll say that I've tried just about anything. And I know there's a ton of techniques out there. I have not tried, but let's just say I'm experimented with a lot of new age, old age, Eastern Western emotional healing stuff. And I was just at a loss and my Reiki teacher and friend also did past life regression. And I honestly had never considered it. I really didn't have an opinion either way to be honest. It was there and she said, well, maybe it's time for us to do this. And I'm like, game on. I'm ready and willing. I will try just about anything.

And so we began doing past life regressions and I could not believe what came out, what broke through, what all of a sudden came to light and the limiting beliefs that I had no clue how they formed. Like literally no clue, could not find a trigger event.

The trigger event was in a past life, the trigger event I brought with me and that's what, in past lives, we don't always let go of what learned in the past life, where we need to learn it again. Or we're learning some aspects of karma that we're stuck with. Like we're, we're in a block. And so we might bring with us a fear or a limiting belief. And so we can't access it from what we know here today, because it wasn't from here today. And so as I began to do these, I really sped up my soul consciousness, my joy finding and my understanding. It really was that final twist that made me go, Oh, okay, I'm calmer. Now I understand why things are happening. I understand why I get triggered when this happens. And it really was transformational.

It was so transformational that I actually just finished my certification, in it so that I could help other people do it because it is that thing that when you done everything else, now, I wouldn't say you necessarily start with this.

I really, I really think you've, you got to clear out what you created in this lifetime. And then when you get to that bottom point where you're like, okay, I don't know where this is coming from. That's the perfect time to go in and do a past life regression and figure out. What is going on that is blocking you from that final stage of emotional healing.

So I hope this helps you, you with moving forward in your or post-divorce life and really healing those emotional wounds so that your relationships can be even better. So thank you so much for sharing your time with me today. You can find the show notes at If you would like to hang out with me on social media, you can find me on Twitter at @Andreachats until next time, have a great week.

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